


I Will Be Here When You Are Ready

by ZequoiaRose



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec is Not Okay, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned: Max Lightwood, Post-Max Lightwood's Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26805601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZequoiaRose/pseuds/ZequoiaRose
Summary: The younger’s eyes are open but he’s not seeing anything. He’s so... still. It’s terrifying. He hasn’t even realized Magnus is there.Or: Alec mourns Max’s one year death anniversary.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 3
Kudos: 38





	I Will Be Here When You Are Ready

Magnus storms into the loft, absolutely furious. Of all days. Today had be the day a dumbass of a client called him with an “emergency” which was absolute bullshit excuse to talk to the Warlock for a literal hour. Magnus didn’t think he’ll ever forgive his client for taking him away on this day. Because when he gets home-  
It’s silent. 

And despite what many people think, Alec is hardly ever silent - especially in his own space. Despite the tough exterior, Alec is a drama queen. Only slightly less of a drama queen than Magnus himself. The second he walks in the door, he flops down and whines about all the paperwork he has. He whines and curses and overall makes Magnus’s life much more interesting. If he’s in the kitchen, he is humming a tune. If he is sitting on the couch reading, there is tapping of some sort. Even when he’s asleep he is making noise - quiet little hums that Magnus now can’t sleep without. If Alec is home, Magnus knows exactly where he is all the time because Alec comes with sound. 

But the loft is silent. And that stops Magnus’s heart. 

Because today... today is the first anniversary of Max’s death. And he had to leave. 

He. Had. To. Fucking. Leave. 

Alec has been quiet all week. Slowly reverting into the sad Shadowhunter he has been when Magnus first met him. And that is terrifying. But this morning... this morning Alec was dead silent beside him. He didn’t move, he didn’t talk, he didn’t even make a sound. And Magnus left. 

“Alexander? My love?” Magnus calls out while slipping his shoes off. He received no answer. Taking a deep breath, Magnus makes his way to their bedroom. 

Alec is laying on the bed, wrapped in blankets. Magnus moves to Alec’s side, lowering himself to sit beside him, bringing his hand to the lump that is Alec. 

The younger’s eyes are open but he’s not seeing anything. He’s so... still. It’s horrible. He hasn’t even realized Magnus is there. 

“Oh, Darling. I’m so sorry,” Magnus whispers, leaning down to press a kiss to his love’s forehead. He stands and quickly removes his jacket before climbing into the bed behind Alec and pulling his back to his own front, ready to do anything he can to bring his Angel back to him. 

Magnus does not know how long they lay there until Alec whispers a soft, “Mags?”

Magnus tightens his arms, releasing a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. “I’m here, my angel.”

Magnus feels Alec’s body shutter and slams his eyes shut. “Okay, my beautiful Alexander. Come here.” Alec turns and Magnus sees his face. The emptiness has been replaced with such deep sorrow and Magnus feels his own eyes fill with tears. 

“Magnus, I don’t know what to do. I can’t think, I can’t breathe. Magnus, I can’t-“ his voice breaks into a sob and pulls Alec into his chest, gripping him tight as he shutters into the most gut wrenching sobs. 

“I know. I’m sorry, Alexander. I’m so sorry,” Magnus has to stop as emotion chokes him, leaving him with no voice. He can feel Alec’s tears and how his voice is raw from the choked sounds leaving his body. He keeps bending forward, like his body is in pain and Magnus wishes more than anything he could take this pain away from him. Away from this boy who is barely a man. From the sadness that will follow him for the rest of his life. 

It isn’t fair. None of this is fair. He is only twenty, for god’s sake. He should be stupid, and reckless, and drinking more than his body can hold, not beaten and bruised and mourning a loss from a war that wasn’t his to fight. 

But life is not fair. Magnus has come to that realization many times, but he still can’t help himself from cursing everything under the sun because this is his boy. And whatever forces that made this happen have no right. 

“My love,” Magnus whispers into Alec’s hair, feeling his own tears fall. “I have you. We’ll get through this. I’m right here.” Magnus continues to whisper comforts. 

He knows that they will get through this. That the pain lessens. That Alec will finally find peace. But not today. Today he will mourn and hate and cry and break.

But tomorrow. Tomorrow Magnus will begin the journey of supporting Alec as he finds his new normal. Tomorrow they will get up, go to work, and move forward. Together they will move, and step by step begin healing. 

Again.

But for tonight, he’s going to hold his angel who has been dropped from his heaven and fight for that heaven that the younger cannot see. Tonight he is going to fight because His Alexander cannot find it in himself to do it. Tonight, he will be here. And tonight, that is not enough, but it will be. Magnus will make sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any mistakes. Comments and kudos make my day! Thanks for reading!


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